vagabond

Is it ok that I have no idea where I belong? Is it ok that I'm a little bit of a thrill seeker so to speak? It really was killing me that I was working at a freaking restaurant, stuck here in Atlanta because I'm too poor to even live where I'm stuck at yet alone rich enough to actually do something exciting or whatever. Maybe this is another reason why joining the Army makes so much sense for me right now. I always seem to have to move to change anything about me. I feel like I've become and experienced everything I need to in Atlanta for now. I don't want to get stuck in a rut. I want to have constant growth. For some reason moving is the only way I feel that so far. I did it in middle school. I did it in high school. I did it in college. I did it again after college. Now I'm doing it again. Every move I've learned something new about myself and have learned how to be more like a person I actually aprove of when I look him in the eyes of the mirror. That can't be all bad can it? I do leave A LOT of friends behind, and I do HATE not getting to be with them and spend time with them. But I don't know. I'm starting to think that this is just part of who "me" is. And if this is just a part of me...then wouldn't that mean that not doing it would make me less of who "I" am? Do you think that I could possibly wear out my welcome with friends if I were to stay put for a longer period of time?

?

I can't really think of anything to talk about? I think its because I haven't really had time to read in a while? But yeah...I'm clueless? I felt bad because I haven't wrote in this thing in two days but yeah :/ nothing. Maybe I'll write something later.

detox

On my mind right now,

To all my friends that might kind of feel WAY out of the loop with the things happening in my life right now:

Sorry I haven't really told everyone exactly what is happening, but that is kind of what this blog is for...so that I can tell many people something all at one time.

I know it doesn't seem as personal, but I just don't have the time to be calling each and every one of you guys and give you the whole shpeal. That would be a part time job in itself :P and I have been trying my hardest just to get this whole thing set up for me and to get my family in the loop and in agreement with me.

Don't think for a second that this is easy for me or that this is GOING to be easy for me. I can't even imagine right now what it's going to be like not to even have a cell phone with me at all times yet alone not be able to just hop online and keep in touch with everyone...and that doesn't even BEGIN to touch me having to actually go through basic training! :P I'm really excited about it and I'm going to be one buff dude when I get out, but while I'm going through it, its going to be hell. It is definitely going to be somewhat of a detox for me...or a purification if you will. This is what I'm hoping for anyways. I feel like there is just so much crap still weighing me down from my early years and my early way of thinking that I just can't seem to grasp everything I've learned in college and in Orlando. I haven't been able to learn anything more in Atlanta either. I've just felt so stagnant here. Not going to lie.

I definitely feel that God has used me here, don't get me wrong, but I just don't feel right here. And I don't think that you should still feel that way about someplace where you've lived for THAT long. It's time to move on.

2 Samuel 22:35

"He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze."

change is coming.

I was at the MEPS station today for my ASVAB test and my physical. What all this means is that I got tested to see if I was eligible to join the Army.

I passed with some flying colors. :)

I received the position I was hoping for as well as all the benefits I was told I would get and I would have to say I'm pretty excited...and nervous at the same time. This is going to be a BIG change in my life. You guys have no idea the kind of change I'm talking here. Big. I am in need of this too. There are so many things I will be able to learn from this experience as well as just have the opportunity to experience things in general as someone such as a soldier. At the same time though, I am way nervous of these same things. I am scared to death of how far from my comfort zone I will be. This is all unknown. Crazy huh? So how do I know if this is from God or not? I honestly couldn't tell you one specific time where I just KNEW this was right, but I think that it has just been a much too bazaar turn of events to not be of something God wants in my life right now...right now anyways. I still have until I leave for Basic to FULLY decide on my position in the Army, but still. I don't know...I'm so tired so if this doesn't quite make sense, I don't even feel like rereading over this.

I leave for basic training on November 18th and I'll prolly be going home a week or two earlier to spend some time with my fam before I leave for good. Pray for me still as I still try to make sure this is the correct thing in my life right now. Ask me if you have any questions...I'll try to answer them to the best of my knowlege

excited and nervous

These are two emotions I think should be in life often. If they are not, I would challenge you to rethink some things. Life is not static, nor should we strive to make it so. We should always be willing to put ourselves up for new challenges and new ideas, always trying to learn from our own experiences with ourselves and others. Do something brash. Do something to prove to yourself you are a man. God will praise you because he gives good gifts. Do something other than sing church songs to worship God. Boast in your strengths in your character to show God your thankfulness. Don't be so quick to point out your weaknesses, for this is how God boasts in his strengths to show his character.

Be proud that you are a beautiful child of God. Because God is proud of you.

Iron

I think I'm discovering a pattern here. It seems the more I try to fix my problems, the more problems I start to have and the more my problems start to swallow me whole. It is only when I include others into my problems that I seem to slowly overcome my problems.

Accountability is a wonderful thing. We can say we need to do this or we need to start doing that, but until we actually find something to basically force us to do it, nothing is going to change. Believe it. We all pretty much suck and we need to start recognizing that we are so lucky that God has blessed us with friends in our lives. That God is willing to BE a friend in our lives.

I would encourage you to start being that friend to someone. The friend who encourages and holds their friends to a higher standard than what they hold themselves. You might just be lucky enough to start getting it back in return. I know that I seem to get it back when I need it the most. Every one of my friends are very dear to me and I wouldn't trade any of the time I've spent with each of you for anything else.

On the opposite side of this though, DO NOT go around pointing out everyone's faults. No one likes a self righteous punk. The way I see it, if your trying to hold your friends to a higher standard, you better be trying your hardest to get them to do it to you as well. Iron sharpens Iron. We have to be the same. We need to both be Iron.

Thanks for helping me to become a better me everyone.

This life is too hard to do it alone. Stop trying.