pause

disappearing for a month and then reappearing is kind of weird. Its like everything is on pause for you, but nothing changes for everyone else. It's been kind of disappointing to tell you the truth. Its ok though...real friends are found in such ways. I'm not looking forward to doing this again in February. One thing has been awesome with this though. My family. Want to appreciate your family more? Join the Army and go to basic training. I don't even want to think about what it would be like to be deployed and THEN come back. Anyways, there's not much to write about...all my thoughts are private tonight.

Don't fool yourself. There are some things that only work in stories.

Not Your Own

11 DEC 2008

We've been having some more fun here at Basic Training. Two days ago we went for our first Army camping experience. We walked.....well....road marched, meaning we had about 50lbs of gear strapped to our backs and we walked at a pretty fast pace for about 6 miles everyone was saying. It was a beautiful day for camping. Nice Southern fall weather with the sun partly shining, partly cloudy, and we got there and set up camp. Wait. Let me back up. So before all that, we had a day of P.T. meaning physical training (I think) and they split us all up into groups according to how well we did the 2 mile run. Since I did it in 16:50 , I was put into the A train. We had A train, B train, and C train, A was the one where all the people from 17:00 min and under. B was from 1700 to whatever C was all the others :x We ran probably a total of 4 or 5 miles. I of which was running up and down bleachers and half a mile backwards up a hill!

The next day we had to get up really early and road march over to the bayonette course where we had to do a bunch of obsticles with our bayonette and do a bunch of moves on dummies, haha it was fun! Anyays, before I talk about the camping I need to talk about my battle buddy, Ian Tracey. He was assigned to me because he's the next one before my name in alphabetical order, but he couldn't have been any better to be my battle buddy. He is smart, very friendlym Christian, and I guess and all around good guy :P We kicked it off pretty well from the beginning. So anways, back to the camping. Tracey and I out our tent up and everything and it was the best looking tent up there :P It doesn't hurt that he's an eagle scout as well. Haha. We camped out and then the next day we went to an endurance course called fit to win where we had to go through this whole endurance course with our savad. We didn't win but we got 2nd I'm pretty sure. After, we went to the gas chamber!! I was pretty worried about this. I to it and we out our gas masks on and walked in to the chamber. The drill seargaents then had us lift up our gas masks and say our full social security number followed by drill seargent! I was able to do it and then seal my mask again without it being too bad. and so I am just chilling in there untill h egets to everyone else in there. One didn't do it too well and started freaking out and tried to oush the drill seargent away. He slammed the kid against the wall and put his mask back on him for him. It was crazy! He had to go back in there again because of it too after he regained himself. But when we were about to go out the D.S took us 10 at a time to go out and before we could go, they had us take our mask completely off and sing Jingle Bells! So I got up there , I'm getting nervous because we had a little taste of the gas outside the chamber while we were putting on our masks. Then I get the signal to take my mask off. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, rip it off. I start to sing "Jingle bells, Jingle bells, jingle all the way.." The drill seargent start to try and take our masks from us, I hold tight. "oh what fun." they start to mess with me more, poking my stomach, messing with my face, "it is to ride in a one ," the next D.S starts to punch me in the gut! "horse open sliegh!" I survived!! Luckily , I had my stomach clenched. They start to push us out the door and I get out into the ligh and take a deep breath! Crap..... the gas is still pretty strong :x The gas feels what nose, in your eyes, it burns your throat, burns your skin, burns your eyes. Really burns your eyes! Man! They have us walk a few laps around a turn around road to air out and compose ourselves. Wow that was intense! haha! I'm glad I got to do it through :) I've never worn a gas mask before yet alone be gassed like that! It was crazy!

Anyways I have a few other things I want to talk about. The first one being how platoon team life is going. Our platoon is having some problems. haha...to say the least. Ive been trying to figure our what the problem is exactly and some things I could come up with were these : 1.) Our platoon is trying way too hard to maintain our own individuality. The sooner we realize that we are not who we were the better. The Army took away our clothes, our hair, our make-u, electronics, stereotypes. and gave us the same uniform, the same kind of hair, the same food, the same beds, and the same quality of life. They did this for a reason. "You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake". I think old habits need to die and new ones need to form. This would help us get along I believe. 2.) Ego. Nobody is able to yet humble enough to listen to someone when they are trying to correct the, before the drill seargents talk to them. Now a lot of it is in the way people try to tell people they're wrong, but you know... they both could use improvement.

Those are the two big problems I've noticed There are a few smaller ones as well but I think they would be resolved with there two. The reason I'm kind of writing about this is because right now, my platoon has been sitting here for the past two hours while I've been writing this discussing our issues and how we need to do this and that and blah blah blah... I feel the best way to deal with this personally is to just listen, don't talk, let them work their own problems out unless otherwise asked. Because our platoon doesn't really like taking advice :p It gets to my battle buddy sometimes, but I have just been able to laugh about it. I remember back when I was like that and felt like I had to take charge and solve their problems. Now I feel like it takes more dicipline to hold my tounge.

Lastly, I wanted to talk about a devotion I read yesterday from my utmost for his highest. It's December 9th and 10th and they are "the offense of the natural" and "the offering of the natural." I'm still trying to completely grasp these, but what I kind of related it to was you guessed it, the Army. The devotion talk about how, as christians, it's not really about giving up of what makes your natural self. All the sin in my life is part of what makes you your natural self. All the sin in my life is part of the way I live for myself. We miust deny this. It's like when I signed the Army Contract and took my second oath. I'm government property. I chase this. Now, there are many good things that come from me joining the Army. They're paying my student loans, paying me a bonus, paying me to work, feeding me blah blah blah..... but there are also things I have to do. Starting here at Basic, I have to start disciplining my body, mind, even spirit to fit to the Army standards and so forth. Becoming a Christian is great and comes with more than enough benefits but there comes the time in our Christian life when we need to start discipling our body, mind and soul. We can't just keep relying on how loving and merciful God is. There comes a time when God knows that we know better. I know I've reached that point. I couldn't do it by myself. Hopefully joining the Army will teach me what being disciplined actually looks like.

From a young age growing up in church we're told we're in the Lords Army. I think I disagree with that. Untill now I don't feel like I was even ready to even make the attempt for what kind of discipline and commitment.. It's definitly something to strive for, but belive me. There is some responsibility that comes with it. Jesus was the ultimate example for this discipline and responsibility. I wonder what type of person Jesuss natural desires would have made him? Thank God we never found out.

I have a feeling that the Army is going to be a very good thing for my adult life. I've never known this stuff before or had to be so precise with the things I do. Some things suck more than others, but it's good. God is with me :)

-M

Confidence

01 DEC 2008

So today we did unarmed combatives which is pretty much wrestling moves. It was the most fun yet! We learned a bunch of different dominate positions to get the upper hand on opponents as as some choke holds and arm bars. I went a few matches with some people, but I lost each time..... 0-3 I'm afraid :( BUT hopefully we get to do it more often so that I can get some practice! One of the guys messed up my head pretty bad. I have some cuts on my forehead and on the side of my head and so on, but I am ok :P That's probably the closest to fight club I'm going to get. All in all, so far I love it here. I don't have any guilt; When I would sleep in late like when I lived in ATL because there is too much accountability in the army to let things slide. That accountability thing goes for A LOT more things as well. That is just an example for you guys but everything in the Army is based on accountability. I would recommend the military to anyone wanting to make change in their life. Aleast so far. We'll see if I still feel this way in the next six years.

Well, the top paragraph was written in the 1st at the beginning of last week and not it's the 7th on Sunday night. I haven't been writing very much because I lost my stamps :( But I 've recieved some letters from you guys and that makes me happy :) Because one, I know you all finally got my address, and two, you guys actually took the time to write me! Hopefully I'll be able to get some at the PX soon or borrow a few from some friends :x Anways, other things that happened this week was we went to the confidence courae which is a hige area of different height challenges I guess you would call them? The first one we did was this 5 story tower that me and 3 other people on my team of 4 had to climb up and then climb back down. Not only did we have to do that, but we also had to do it without any harness! If any of us fell, we we're pretty much screwed. It was like that for all of them. Luckly we managed to do it, and my team did it with some ease actually. The next challenge we had was the Victory slide. We climbed up a cargo net and had to walk over a log in the middle of the air to an overgrown ladder and then climbed up higher to a cable where we were hooked up and then zip lined down to the ground. The 3rd one we did was the inclined rope decend and we had to climb up and then zip lined down to the ground.The 3rd one we did ws the inclined rope decend and we had to climb up an oversized ladder again and there was a rope that was up an oversized ladder again and there was a rope that was up at the top. It stretched probably a good 20' downwards at probably a 30 or 45 degree angle or so and we hung upside down on it and worked our way down it. That one was the handout for me, but I was still able to do it! Those were the only ones we had time to complete because we have quite a few people in our platoon who don't really belong in the Army I don't think :x The next day we had a bayonett training and then the next day we had some team building exercises and then we ran a whole lot on the other day. But I'm running out of room on this page and the running out of time beofre lights out as well so I'll talk about that stuff later. Hope you all are doing well and P.S. Atlanta, I'll be spending New Years with all you guys so make some time to see me! I'll be there the 30th thought the 2nd!!

-M

LDRSHIP

27 Nov 08

Happy Thanksgiving! We're all sitting in our barracks hanging out and just kind of taking the day off I guess? So while I have some free time, I figured I would update everything. This week is the first week of Basic and so far so good. Doing all the push ups and everything kind of stinks, but I'm looking at it this way, I'm getting paid right now to get in shape! :p

A few days ago we went up and did a high ropes course call Victory Tower. At this place. it's probably 35, 40 ft in the air and we climbed it, climbed ropes across it, climbed down it, repelled off it, and a few other things, but it was so much fun! We've went on a road march as well so far. That's how we got to Victory Tower. That will be the first of many, but we were issued our M16's yesterday so now we'll be carrying those with us on the next one because now we have to carry our weapons everywhere we go!

Today some things have happened worth blogging about. The first of which being our Thanksgiving dinner. Today we were served Thanksgiving dinner by all our superiors and officers. It was a really cool sight to see because since I've been here, all I've seen of them has been being proud, angry, can't-do-anything-without-getting-yelled at drill sergeants and then having switched to where they and even the higher ranked officers dipping out our mashed potatoes.; that was humbling. To be so proud of something and get still humble enough to do things like this? Isn't that a whole lot of how being a Christian is supposed to be like? I must admit..the Army has a lot more things figured out about life than what you would first think. Even the 7 Army values relate so well with Christian life. Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless, Honor, Integrity, and personal Courage. I have seen a lot of these these values displayed so for in our Sergants, but today, selfless service was definitly the BIG one :):)

Another thing happened today that stuck in my mind as well. Yesterday we signed a paper saying we would follow all the rules of being in the barracks and stuff, and one of the rules was NO food in the bays. NO EXCEPTIONS! So we get down to the chow hall and the lines of food are decorated with candies and such ok, cool whatever, kind of wierd, but cool Thanksgiving decorations. People start taking some, taking some, next thing I knew I see people starting to stuff it in their pockets. Ok, whatever, lets go fill in formation. So we get back to our company spot in the barracks and the thing the drill sergeants do is have us empty our pockets. Guilty. So many people had candy he had us emptying everything on the ground. After we were done getting punished for doing it, he said something I remembered.. "I'm glad you guys showed me this. Now I know you guys can't be trusted." Integrity. That is one of the 7 Army values and we failed today. :( Hopefully we've learned our lesson.

Process

2008 November 22


So I kind of planned on writing about things every single day, but we've been here for 3 days not counting Tuesday, though we did A LOT Tuesday night before we could go to bed.

Tuesday was the day of travel and waiting. We got on the airplane, got off the airplane, got back on, got back off. After I arrived at Columbia, we waited for about.... well, at least 4 hours before we even got on the bus to go to Fort Jackson. After we got here we were filling things out, eating, getting stuff issued to us, blah, blah, blah. We've pretty much done this everyday all day SINCE then. It's now Saturday. Tomorrow we get to go to church. It should be an interesting experience to say the least :)

Monday, which is November 24, is the first day of ACTUAL basic training. I'm really excited! We watched an introduction video today and even though it was HORRIBLE quality and the whole time I was thinking, "Man, I'm sure glad they hired me :p", I still got really excited. Minus the pain of actually getting my body in shape to handle half the stuff I'll be doing, I think that this whole thing is going to be a blast!! Sometimes literally! HA! :p

But anyways, nothing much to write about yet.Some of the more christian thoughts that have gone through my head have been about the whole process. In the Army, so far already, they've told me many times now about how here in basic training, we all came ourselves. Trying so hard to be independent, funny, smart, the jock, the heart throb, ect, ect, whatever. And when we get here, they take away our freedom, make us all look the same, dress the same, act the same, break us down, destroy our individuality. My spikey hair is gone.I've had guys here find out just today that I was the guy with the fohawk when we first came :p We are not beautiful and unique snowflakes any longer and to tell you the truth it's kind of liberating. But after breaking us down, they start to build us back up. Replace old habits with new ones. Replace rebellion with compliance. Replace vanity and arrogance with pride and honor. It teaches us to do everything with a purpose.

Sound familiar?Isn't this the same thing God does through the gift of Jesus? Lets us live our live our lifes the way we want to? Then when we're ready to surrender. he breaks us down, our sins tearing our potential up , and then rebuilds us as well, don't think for a second I'm saying God is like the military. All I'm saying is that you can find Godly qualities in the Army and in the process of becoming a soldier. We are all so broken. I have a feeling I'm about to find out exactly how broken I am.

I encourage you all to find the way to get this process done. Through fire is how we are formed as christians. Pray for God to show you, yours.

embark on

tomorrow almost 12 hours exactly I will leave my family and begin my new adventure as a United States Army Specialist 25 Romeo. I can't tell you how excited I am! I'm always excited to start a new adventure and this one I'm sure won't disappoint in the adventure department :P

A few things I want to talk about before I surrender my blog to the mercy of Ericka, I want to talk about some personal goals I want to have beside all the issued goals I will have as a soldier...

First goal, I want to write a letter to each of the people who gave me an address and have asked for a letter. I know, because I'm the same way, there is just something that is super exciting about getting a personal written letter and I want to bring you guys some joy like that and maybe some of you can return the favor ;) cause I have a feeling I'm going to need it!

My second goal is going to be to read the entire Bible from cover to cover. I've never done this before because I have always managed to find something else to do, but I really want to buckle down and do this. Especially since I won't have an excuse here because we aren't allowed to bring any other personal books to basic.

Anyways, those are my two personal goals for basic while I'm there. In other news, I am having my sister write my address on my facebook group so that everyone who has joined that will be able to get it and I'm going to also have Ericka put the address on my blog. Other than that, I guess just wish me luck! I appreciate all the prayers from everyone, they are definitely working already. I was a mess a few days ago, but I'm feeling crazy good right now :) Keep it up! And make sure you're also praying for all the other soldiers who are over doing things that are actually dangerous. They definitely could use some prayer as well :)

But yes, I need to get to bed, so I will see you guys on the other side and I can't WAIT to share some of my stories I'm going to have with you!

volume

"If with heart and soul you're doing good, do you think you can be stopped?

Even if you suffer for it, you're still better off. Don't give the opposition a second thought. Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master.

Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy. Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick. They'll end up realizing that they're the ones who need a bath.

It's better to suffer for doing good, if that's what God wants, than to be punished for doing bad.

That's what Christ did definitively: suffered because of others' sins, the Righteous One for the unrighteous ones. He went through it all—was put to death and then made alive—to bring us to God." -1 Peter 3:13-18

I grew up thinking the message translation of the Bible was a bad thing. I was told to stay away from it because it leaves a lot out. This might be true, it might not be true. But I do know that God uses this translation to speak to me a lot more than he's ever used the King James Version. I read the message almost the same way I speak. Almost the same way I write. So for me, it is perfect. Also, I enjoy some of the words chosen for verses a lot more than other translations. Just a little side note on the message translation that I wanted to throw out there because I doubt I'm the only one who was taught this. So now you know ;)

So if I'm doing good with heart and soul I'm unstoppable? I'm like the spiritual "Thing" from Fantastic Four right? Clobbering the Devil when it comes to tempt me? Or is this a different type of unstoppable? A type that is beyond ourselves? A type that goes beyond ourselves? Isn't this type of unstoppable the reason why we can watch movies like Braveheart or Gladiator and admire William Wallace or Maximus? When our beliefs and ideas extend beyond our own physical bodies and lives? Isn't this how Jesus was and is unstoppable?

He wasn't unstoppable because he was unable to be beat physically, for we took his life from him. Not because of the friends he had, for they dispersed when he was taken into custody. But because of what he believed in. What he held to be true. What he was willing to bleed for. What he was willing to die for. People don't recognize true passion until there is sacrifice, because nobody chooses to hurt. No one WANTS to sacrifice; to bleed or die, but when they step over that line. When someone hits bottom and places there passion before their own well being...that; that is beautiful.

How do I reach this mindset? How do I get closer to hitting bottom? How could I ever know I'm willing to die for my savior if need be?

I think these are questions that help us to learn to live life to the fullest. To use a quote from Fight Club:

"After fighting, everything else in your life got the volume turned down."

I think that this quote can relate. For those of you who know me somewhat well know I like to compare a lot of Christian principles from quotes and parts from Fight Club :X haha, but just like after a fight, after we become aware of our relationship with God, truly aware (I say this because I was a "Christian" way before I understood my relationship as well as some of you might be), what comes naturally afterwards should be everything else losing its volume.

After being Christian, everything else in your life got the volume turned down.

What does this look like for you?

I'm slowly discovering what it looks like to me.