unforced rhythms

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." -Jesus (message translation)

I want to learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I want to learn to live freely and lightly. I want to have a beautiful death.

Why do I constantly betray myself? Why do I meekly snuff out my own flame? To relate? To have a place in this broken world? How grotesque and mutilated am I? I'm tired and burned out on all the advice of self help books and bible college graduates and preachers. I need something different. I need you to show me MY way. I know I'm not a special case Father but man could you help me not feel like one? I can't relate anymore. Blinded by my own imperfectness, I can't seem to make out the bigger picture even though I know all my problems are so little. Help me. I feel so distant and I know I'm the one who's moved.