writers block OR christian algebra

I apologize for never really updating this thing, but the truth of the matter is that nothing is coming to mind of what I want to talk about. Everything I think of is either something personal that I don't want on the internet, or something really stupid that I would feel like a preacher talking about and my goal for this blog is not to sound like a preacher :P no offense to those preachers out there, but yeah...I want to put lessons out there that are obvious to the audience that I'm struggling with the same thing as what they might be struggling with. Things that preachers would get voted out of the church for having sermons about.

Wow. I just thought about something to talk about. ha.

I would say for about the past 2-3 months I have not gone to a church. This is not counting last week where I finally took up the courage to try out the service they have here at Ft. Meade (wonderful experience might I add *cough*) Nevertheless, church, I've come to notice, is not something a part of the community in the Military, but something that you go to on Sunday. I say this because it is both true for the individuals who don't go to church AS WELL AS those who DO go to church every Sunday. It is an activity in which American Christians go to because that is what God, the original American, has told us in the American Bible to do lest we turn to heathens and go to hell when we die.

Everything in the Military has a regulation. The way you dress, the way you cut your hair, the way you make your bed, the way you keep your locker, the way you keep your room, the way you stretch, the way you address other people, the way you walk, the way you turn, the way you drink water. With this, I feel, is probably the reason why the church has been transformed into what it is here, but let me just say that this is not the way God intended Christianity to be. A relationship with God should NOT be like the military. It is more fluid than this, it is more relational than this, it is more grey than this. It is the difference between a pre sized suit and a custom tailored suit.

Now I'm not quite sure what point I'm trying to make here, but I wish that the churches I've sat through thus far in the military didn't feel so robotic. I'm here saying that I'm kind of confused on what to do right now in regards to getting spiritually fed. I wonder if Jesus ever felt this way when he was human going to churches and feeling like he was the only one who didn't treat God like a math equation. I've seen Christians who could kill me at the biblical brain game (and do it), close non-believers up tighter than a snare drum and have no doubt at all that the non believer was in the wrong. I've also been fortunate enough to have conversations with people and see their walls melt just because of my openness to listen and not give them my Christian advice. The military is not a very Godly place, even at church...this is just my experience, and I'm kind of baffled in what I might be able to do when I can't even find a battle buddy to go to church with.

stymie

I was so sure, but
today I was defeated.
How can I get up?

Beauty of the Inverted

So this is an old post from Jan. 21 this year that I wrote that I guess got lost in the mail, but I really like it so I'm going to rewrite it for you guys...

I've been thinking about things lately...I'm assuming because we haven't done anything for the past four days? Basic training seems to have taken a standstill lately. But I've been thinking about life and living it fully. And with living life fully comes higher risk. Risk of death, risk of injury, risk of any nature really. When I was talking to my battle buddy, Tracey, I found out that the easiest way to explain was to compare it to love. With love, if you choose to let someone into your heart, you have a wide spectrum of things that can happen with two extremes. The positive being your goal, love. You can feel love. The opposite is heartbrokeness and pain. One fills your heart and one feels as though it takes away. Life, I feel is the same way. We can try to live the "American Dreams" of working, buying things, building a house and family, filling that house with stuff, and retiring so we can go on vacations every day. This to me, is just like choosing not to love at all. There is no risk involved really. You can't get hurt and you can't feel love eiter. Just like you can't die from your life choice (At least it's not as likely), but you don't know how all these wonderful experiences feel. Learn the quality of risk that makes you feel fully alive. I need to take the steps neccesary to "hit bottom" because if my thoughts are correct, I think that in learning that, that would be the only way for us to know the opposite. We need a standard measurement and the only one we can really experience to measure is the latter one, the painful one. The one that opens our eyes to the beauty of the inverted. It wasn't until I had my heart broken that I was able to see the beauty of my relationship with Christ. It wasn't until Christ's death that his Disciples were able to recognize Christ's glory.

Unhandy

So I'm slacking pretty bad on the blogging department...I've been promising blogs and not delivering, but its so hard to find time to get online. The only place we have internet here at AIT is at the cafeteria and with that, its only open at certain times :/ most of which are very unhandy to bring your laptop along with you. The Army, I feel, likes to make other things besides the Army unhandy to do that way the only thing you do IS, in fact, the Army. I would NOT recommend joining the Army if you're married or have children or both...even though there are a lot of those people here, I personally wouldn't do it...it would be hell on your family and yourself. Anyways, I need to start remembering to bring my journal with me here so that I can write some things that have went through my mind. I have a lot of stuff to put on here, but always forget it or don't have time to bring my laptop with me :/ The end. Hopefully all maybe 4 of you faithful readers will forgive me? thanks :) back to the army life now...